When I saw this post on Christine’s facebook I was so touched. This is why I do what I do. This is why boudoir is so powerful. This IS WHY. I could never write a better blog post to share with her images so I will just share her words with you!
This post was originally intended to only be viewed on my personal page. I was encouraged by Robin Williams Seymour to share it here. And I thought that was a BRILLIANT IDEA. This is a perfect place to connect with others about such a deep topic. A topic that I am sure that so many in here can relate to.
A little concern has been expressed over some of my content recently. I thought I’d share a bit on my journey to where I am today, in hopes of freeing someone else.
At the young age of 7, I was folding laundry while watching television. I came across a silky sea foam green night gown of my mother’s. It had thin straps and a little bit of dark lace across the neckline. I thought it was beautiful. I slid it on over my clothing and began dancing around the room. Moments later my step father walks into the room and asks “what the hell are you doing?!” I stutter the word “nothing” as I try to slide the night gown off, but it’s too late. “Oh! You are trying to be sexy! Go to your room!” he exclaims.
That day, I was punished and scolded for something I didn’t understand. I had no clue what trying to be sexy was and I assure you it was the last thing on my 7 year old mind. I was simply having fun in a piece of clothing that I thought was beautiful. That day has stuck with my for the rest of my life.
As the years went on, that same person accused me of watching porn multiple times. That person forbid me from wearing training bras because that was welcoming sexual attention. I wasn’t allowed to wear tank tops, too much skin showing. Don’t you dare accidentally walk on someone using the restroom or changing, you must be trying to see something. I was told that I’d be pregnant by 16 because that what happen to my mother. And hell no I couldn’t shave my legs like the rest of the girls at school. The list goes on and on. I was treated as though I was this overly sexual child, when I understood nothing about sexuality. I had ZERO understanding of the things I was being accused of.
At 14 I was able to escape my stepfather. But the trauma and the sexualization stayed with me. It fueled an overly sexual teenager. It led to depression and suicide attempts. I became an addict. And as my body developed I felt ashamed. I’ve struggled with body dysmenorrhea and disordered eating. It’s caused problems in my current relationship. But most importantly, it damaged my self esteem and how I would view myself for many years. And the older I got, the thought of being sexy began to make me very uncomfortable.
Its taken years to get to where I am today. With the help of a brilliant husband, some amazing tattoo artist, a phenomenal photographer, therapy, an amazing support system, a plastic surgeon, roller skating, communication and some truly inspirational women, I am finally healing.
I will not be ashamed of my body anymore. I will not feel shame in being female. I will not live by double standards. Today I am able to look at myself in the mirror and say “Damn Christine. You are sexy. You’re body is beautiful. You are a mother fucking goddess. Now go slay the day.”
So if you don’t like some of the photos I’ve been posting or they make you uncomfortable….please unfollow, unfriend, block or whatever the hell you’ve got to do. Cause y’all aren’t going to rain on my parade.
Huge thanks to Robin and the whole crew. Y’all are helping women feel beautiful but also helping them heal. Y’all are badasses.
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